Anthony's Law of Force
     Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.


Barber's Laws of Backpacking
     1.     The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any loop
            train you choose to hike always comes out positive.
     2.     Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure
            gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.
     3.     The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the
            amount of food you consume from it.  If you run out of food, the
            pack weight goes on increasing anyway.
     4.     The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the
            number of hours you have been on the trail.
     5.     The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly
            proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to
            find it.
     6.     The size of each of the stones in your boot is directly propor-
            tional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.
     7.     The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as
            twilight approaches.
     8.     The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the
            number of hours you have been on the trail.
     9.     When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.
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    10.     If you take your boots off, you'll never get them back on again.
    11.     The local density of mosquitoes is inversely proportional to your
            remaining repellent.


Brook's Law
     Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.


Cann's Axiom
     When all else fails, read the instructions.


Canada Bill Jones' Motto
     It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.


Canada Bill Jones' Supplement
     A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.


Clarke's Third Law
     Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
More [Y,n]? y



Finagle's Rules
     Ever since the first scientific experiment, man has been plagued by the
     increasing antagonism of nature.  It seems only right that nature should
     be logical and neat, but experience has shown that this is not the case. 
     A further series of rules has been formulated, designed to help man accept
     the pigheadedness of nature.
     Rule 1     To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you
                start.
     Rule 2     Always keep a record of data.  It indicates that you've been
                working.
     Rule 3     Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.
     Rule 4     In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
     Rule 5     Experiments should be reproducible.  They should all fail in
                the same way.
     Rule 6     Do not believe in miracles.  Rely on them.


Murphy's Fourth Law
     If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will
     cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.


Franklin's Rule
     Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed.
More [Y,n]? y


Ginsberg's Theorem
     1     You can't win.
     2     You can't break even.
     3     You can't quit the game.


Gummidge's Law
     The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of
     statements understood by the general public.


Harvard Law
     Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature,
     volume, humidity and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well
     pleases.


Gilb's Laws of Unreliability
     1     Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
           Corollary:  At the source of every error which is blamed on the
           computer you will find at least two human errors, including the
More [Y,n]? y
           error of blaming it on the computer.
     2     Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
     3     The only difference between the fool and the criminal who attacks a
           system, is that the fool attacks unpredictable and on a broader
           front.
     4     Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to dectable
           errors, which by definition are limited.
     5     Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
           probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some
           work done.

Heller's Law
     The first myth of management is that it exists.


Hoare's Law of Large Programs
     Inside every large program is a small one struggling to get out.


Imhoff's Law
     The organisation of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank ...
     the really big chunks always rise to the top.


Iron Law of Distribution
     Them what has - gets.


John's Axiom
     When your opponent is down, kick him.


John's Collateral Corollary
     In order to get a loan, you must first prove that you don't need it.

More [Y,n]? y

Johnson-Laird's Law
     Toothaches tend to start on Saturday night.


Jones' Law
     The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can
     blame it on.


Jones' Motto
     Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.


Kitman's Law
     Pure drivel tends to drive out ordinary drivel.


Laws of Computer Programming
     1     Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
     2     Any given program costs more and takes longer.
     3     If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
     4     If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
More [Y,n]? y
     5     Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
     6     The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
     7     Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the
           programmer who must maintain it.
     8     Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and
           you will find that programmers cannot write in English.


Law of Selective Gravitation
     Any dropped object will fall so as to do the most damage.
     (Also known as the "Buttered-Side Down" principle)


Law of the Perversity of Nature
     You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to
     butter.


Lowery's Law
     If it jams - force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.


Dean Martin's Definition of Drunkenness
More [Y,n]? y
     You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.


Meskimen's Law
     There's never enough time to do it right, but always time to do it over.

Murphy's Third Law
     In any field of scientific endeavout, anything that can go wrong will.


Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
     Things get worse under pressure.


90-90 Rule of Scheduling
     The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and
     the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.


Osborne's Law
     Variables won't.  Constants aren't.


More [Y,n]? y
O'Tooles's Commentary on Murphy
     "He was an optimist."


Peer's Law
     The solution to a problem changes the problem.


Peter's Placebo
     An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.


Pudder's Law
     Anything that begins well ends badly.
     Anything that begins badly ends worse.


Rule of Accuracy
     When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps to know the
     answer.


Sattinger's Law 
More [Y,n]? y
     It works better if you plug it in.

Sevarenid's Law
     The chief cause of problems is solutions.


SNAFU Equations
     1     Given a problem containing n equations, there will be n+1 unknowns.
     2     An object or bit of information most needed will be least available.
     3     Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
     4     Interchangeable devices won't.
     5     In any human endeavour, once you have exhausted all possibilities
           and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, and highly
           visible to everyone else.
     6     Badness comes in waves.


Shaw's Principle
     Build a system that a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.


Weinberg's Law
     If builders built building the way programmers write programs, the first
     woodpecker that came along would destroy civilisation.


More [Y,n]? y
Weinberg's Corollary
     An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the
     grand fallacy.
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